Medicare provides an array of health care options and medical supplies to eligible people age 65 and older. Through Medicare, funding can be granted for certain doctor visits, prescriptions, and items that help with the various handicaps that come with old age. However, there are so many inconveniences that come in tandem with getting old. It can be a nice idea to imagine that our Medicare supplemental insurance covers all kinds of luxury items that would make the aging process more pleasant. Below are eight items that could be attributed to Medicare in a more sympathetic, alternate universe.
- Plastic SurgeryFrom Botox to implants, women begin to crave plastic surgery as the effects of aging cause various parts of their body to take on an unattractive drooping. Chiseling away at their cheek bones and noses ‘til they resemble the late Michael Jackson, proponents of plastic surgery aren’t actually fooling anyone. The result is a hoard of women in their late 40s to late 60s with puffy, fish lips, disproportionate chests, and an expression of permanent shock from the nerve-numbing Botox therapy. Although aging women may wish these surgeries could be billed to Medicare, they are, in fact, purely cosmetic. Quite frankly, women who eat right, work out, and age gracefully wind up looking much better off than their bee-stung lipped counterparts.
- Massage TherapySure, we could all use a massage at the end of the day to soothe our nerves. In such a stress-filled world, nothing quite clears the mind like a professional massage. While a therapist expels the free radicals from your body with her magical touch, soft tunes of Enya play in the background. The room is a Zen shade of mint green, warm enough for you to lay practically nude on the massage table without discomfort. She may employ the use of hot stones or aromatherapy, depending on how much you’re willing to fork over for up to an hour and a half of pure, relaxing bliss. While it would be nice to end these sessions by carelessly handing over your Medicare card, massages are still a luxury item and won’t be paid by the government anytime soon.
- Hair Transplant SurgeryGoing bald is just a part of life for some men. Genetics dictate whether you will keep your glorious head of hair as you age or whether your head will come to resemble a shiny q-ball over time. While some men accept their fate and own a bald head with pride, others find hair loss as a source of depression and unattractiveness. In their desperation, they turn to the dreaded hair plugs to try to cover the patches of missing coif, but donning a fake ‘do is about as obvious as gluing on a fake mustache and trying to pass it off as real. Regardless of whether you can wash it like normal hair, or whether it “grows” like normal hair, there is something truly unmistakable about these false strands that folks at the insurance companies have trouble taking seriously. Perhaps that’s why, no matter how hairless we get, Medicare won’t cover hair transplant surgery.
- Gym MembershipsElderly people have trouble performing high-impact exercises like jogging and jump rope. While these types of exercise are essentially free and can be done in and around your neighborhood, it would be easier for the aging athletes to have access to a local gym where they can do exercises targeted at people with tender joints. A personal trainer could create a plan geared toward allaying aches and pains of old age. Likewise, access to a gym’s swimming pool could be helpful for women who want to participate in swim-aerobics classes. Unfortunately, Medicare won’t pay for an active lifestyle. It’s ridiculous to think that the government would create funding for your 24-hour Fitness Membership, just as it is unlikely that they will pay for your orthopedic-style tennis shoes.
- Home-Delivered MealsWith age, it becomes difficult to stand for long periods of time and participate in several other basic forms of sustained activity. Gripping things can be difficult, and with so many physical barriers, the act of making a meal can be daunting. For this reason, having delicious, pre-made meals delivered to your home would be exceptionally helpful. Much like a grocery delivery service, except the meals come pre-assembled, the meals could be popped into the microwave or gently oven-cooked for the perfect, nutritionally fulfilling meal on a regular basis with no sweat. And best yet, Medicare could pay for this. Simple, right? Wrong. A meal delivery service would be costly, requiring both cooks and couriers to be paid on top of the Medicare. It may be a nice idea, but Medicare isn’t responsible for a service that ultimately would encourage laziness. Microwave meals can be bought cheaply at grocery stores with your own money.
- Paid CompanionsSo much of growing old entails loneliness, which can be stifling. Loved ones and friends may die around you, and the sense that you are also elderly and reaching a point at which illnesses could be serious may be a depressing fact to overcome. For this, you may wish Medicare paid for a companion for you to waste away the days with, play chess with, and discuss your general well-being with. They could be nurse aids or therapy pets, there to help you around the house and keep you entertained. This companion would always be there to go to the movies with or go out to dinner with. Sadly, Medicare doesn’t cover friendships. Imagine how abused the system would be if it did — with 65-year-old men using Medicare to hire a young, live-in companions even before they need any real assistance.
- LiposuctionAfter yo-yoing between diet and exercise for a certain amount of years, many women reach a point where they are tired of working off the fat and just want quick, easy results. Liposuction seems like a good option for eradicating fat cells instantaneously, through the use of what essentially amounts to a surgical vacuum. After a day of surgery and several days of bed-rest, poof! You have the body you’ve always wanted. At least in theory, that is. In reality, liposuction may get rid of fat cells in the area of the body targeted, but it doesn’t negate the body’s ability to store fat elsewhere. And, should you keep your diet and exercise routine the same, fat will continue to appear in places that haven’t been targeted by the liposuction. Medicare will not pay for a procedure like this, because if you stay dedicated to the task of weight loss, it can be done in a natural way without the aid of surgery.
- Stair-side ElevatorsEveryone has seen the infomercials for the electronic hookup attached to the staircase in a home, allowing for wheelchairs to navigate up to the second floor without a hitch. This expensive addition to a home helps prevent the elderly from needing to move to a one-story home or nursing home because of the inability to live unassisted otherwise. However, in terms of something Medicare would pay for, it is simply illogical. Every walking-impaired elderly person would be installing one of these in their home if Medicare provided it, and it is far too much money to spend on something that isn’t absolutely necessary.
Courtesy of:
Amanda McCarthy
Staff Researcher/Part-time Writer
www.SeniorCare.net
Amanda_mccarthy@live.com